8 Myths About Older Men–Younger Women Marriages: Busted
Is It for Love? Rethinking Older Men–Younger Women Relationships in the Muslim Community
By the author of Tuqburni – Bury Me Softly
In recent years, age-gap relationships – particularly those involving older men and younger women – have become a topic of heated discussion at dinner tables, across social media, and even within faith communities. These unions often attract criticism, with many quick to label them as transactional, imbalanced, or opportunistic.
But is this judgment always fair?
What if some of these relationships are rooted in mutual respect, emotional connection, and shared spiritual values? What if, instead of defaulting to suspicion, we approached them with curiosity, compassion, and cultural context?
This blog explores the often misunderstood dynamics of older men–younger women marriages, especially within Muslim communities, and invites us to challenge the stereotypes that persist. Inspired by the novel Tuqburni – Bury Me Softly, we aim to offer a more nuanced, faith-centred perspective.
Let’s Talk About Tuqburni – Bury Me Softly
My latest novel introduces readers to Kareem Al Ajmal, a semi-retired medical consultant who unexpectedly falls for Inara Habib, a younger South African teacher and freelance writer living in Side, Türkiye. Their love story is heartfelt, layered, and refreshingly real.
But Tuqburni is more than just fiction—it’s a conversation starter. It urges us to shift our mindset: from judgment to understanding, from scepticism to sincerity.
8 Myths About Older Men–Younger Women Marriages: Busted
Here are some of the most common assumptions—and the truth behind them:
1. “She must be a gold digger.”
Marriage in Islam is a sacred contract, ultimately decreed by Allah (SWT). Even if one suspects material intentions, we must remember that nothing unfolds without His will. Let’s also not forget our noble examples – Khadijah (RA) was older than the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), and Ayesha (RA) was younger. Both were valid, honoured marriages.
2. “Older men just want caregivers.”
Many mature men seek connection, not caretakers. They want companionship, not someone to manage their lives.
3. “He’s just waiting to die while she runs the house.”
Let’s move past this reductive trope. Age-gap relationships can thrive on shared values, open communication, and common goals.
4. “She must be desperate.”
Choosing someone older doesn’t signal desperation – it may simply reflect emotional compatibility and deeper alignment.
5. “He’s too dominating.”
Control and abuse are not age-specific issues. Toxic dynamics can emerge in any relationship, regardless of age.
6. “She’s after his money.”
While financial stability may be a factor, many younger women are drawn to emotional maturity and life experience over wealth.
7. “Older men have too much baggage.”
Everyone brings a past into marriage. What matters is self-awareness, healing, and the willingness to love again with sincerity.
8. “It’s not normal.”
What’s “normal” is what works for the couple. Sincerity, compatibility, and mutual respect matter far more than a number.
Why This Conversation Matters in the Muslim Community
As an Ummah that values compassion, we should be cautious not to dismiss or degrade what we may not understand. Through Tuqburni – Bury Me Softly, I hope to create space for more open-hearted, thoughtful conversations about love, age, and compatibility – grounded in Islamic ethics and sincere intentions.
Older man–younger woman relationships are not scandalous. They are not a betrayal of self-respect or self-worth. When rooted in trust, they can be meaningful, fulfilling, and spiritually aligned.
Ready to Fall in Love Again?
✨ Join us for the official book launch of Tuqburni – Bury Me Softly
📍 Bayt ul Noor Conference Centre
📅 Saturday, 21 June 2025
🕑 14:00 to 16:00
Come meet Kareem and Inara – and rediscover what it means to love without limitations.
🖊️ Preorder your signed copy here: Preorder Form
📚 Or follow AMWASA for updates on stockists, availability, and local pick up options.
About the author
Nasreen Variyawa
With multiple solo and co-authored best-sellers to her name, Nasreen Variyawa’s philosophy is that everybody is born with a best-selling story within and that everyone who tells it, positively contributes to humanity. Storytelling is the most powerful form of connection and when we connect, we motivate and elevate people globally. An author coach, ghostwriter, and editor she currently assists aspiring authors to turn their dreams of becoming published authors into a reality. Nasreen is an award-winning author who has helped many authors to achieve the same.